Impossible
by Joydrop
Summary: When Rio returns with an injury, Phil gets to thinking....


Disclaimer: As usual, I do not own the characters nor Megami Kouhosei, just the fic. If I'm too poor to buy all of manga for the moment (curse you, volume two!), then you probably won't get much out of me if you sue.  
  
This fic takes place around episode 3 in the anime.  
  
Must finish Gareas/Ernest fic.... must continue on Summer Night's Dream before I'm killed....  
  
  
  
// indicate the start & end of a flashback  
  
  
  
---  
  
  
  
//  
  
  
"You're my mechanic?"   
  
He looks so disbelieving.... What's wrong with this guy? Hasn't he ever seen a girl before? Honestly what a.... He had better not be staring at what I think he's staring at. I wear this giant bow in my hair to attract attention to my _face_, you know.  
  
"That's right. Now hold still so I can scan you properly."  
  
His skin is warm under my fingertips and I'm a little surprised for a moment. Not that he's warm -- what was I expecting, a corpse? -- but that.... He's flesh and blood. We mechanics in training don't socialize too much -- a little gossip over lunch and that's it really -- because we're so busy with the machines. It feels weird to touch someone, even through the gloves. It's really very warm....  
  
"H-Hey! You don't just grab someone and not even know their name!"  
  
He tries to jerk his arm away, but I'm expecting it. He's a bit strong for his looks though.... Least I keep my hold on him, despite the fact that he almost pulled me face first into his chest. Really, what's this guy trying to pull? Other than me, that is.  
  
"Be quiet and hold still! This is my job!"  
  
An unpleasant part of my job, anyways. Oh well.... I'd better get used to it, I suppose. He's my pilot now. My partner. I hope he matures or.... something.... when he gets older.  
  
"Are you always so serious looking?"  
  
Of course. You have to take what you do seriously here. This.... This is a life or death situation now. This person who's wrist I'm holding.... even though I don't know him very well, he is still another human being. A great deal of his safety now rests on my shoulders. I don't take that sort of responsibility lightly.  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
I sound snappish but I can't help it. How can I _not_ be serious and annoyed? Or should that be seriously annoyed....  
  
"I care because it doesn't suit you. You look like the type of person who should be smiling."  
  
Am.... Am I blushing?! What.... What IS wrong with this guy?! This weird looking, lanky man with a bizarre hair cut....  
  
".... idiot."  
  
That was mostly meant at myself. And my red cheeks. Why am I.... At least he didn't point it out. I guess he has some tact.... if no brain. How did such a strange looking person with such a lop-sided grin ever qualify to even be a candidate? I'm doomed.... I'm never going to work on a Goddess if I'm stuck with this guy. Then again, part of a mechanic's duty is to make her partner into the best pilot possible! .... I have my work cut out for me.  
  
"That's not very nice! Anyways, my name is Rioroute Vilgyna, but everyone calls me Rio! What's your name, mechanic?"  
  
I'm not a very nice person, Rio. And my name isn't 'mechanic'. It's --  
  
"Phil Phleira Deed."  
  
-- quite long.  
  
"It's nice to meet you, Phil."  
  
No formality attached to my name?! You shouldn't be so familiar with someone you just met! Then again.... I suppose we will be partners from now on -- I can't believe I'm stuck with this weirdo -- so it's probably expected.  
  
"It's nice to meet you as well, Rio."  
  
He blinks for a moment and I notice his eyes are this really neat shade of dark chocolate....  
  
"Ah! You can smile! Great!"  
  
What?! I'm.... Oh God, I did! There goes my reputation of being professional and cool in front of the other candidates!  
  
"Idiot!"  
  
I really am one. But he's an even bigger one! This guy.... how am I suppose to work with this guy? How am I suppose to protect him and prevent anything from happening to him when he has this air about him? Like nothing ever could happen?  
  
  
//  
  
  
Of course it could happen.  
  
I'd be a fool to think otherwise. Even before I joined, even before I was truly considering it, I always knew it was a possibility. But still.... even as I knew it, I never felt like it could actually happen....  
  
Maybe I really am a fool. Older people like to shake their heads and mutter about kids thinking that they're immortal. And they're right. But how can they blame us for such a thing? The thought of your very life or the life of a friend's ending when you haven't even reached your twentieth birthday? How can people our age, so full of life and hope and thoughts of the future, even consider death as something that could happen? How can people like that die?  
  
Well, they can. They can die. Anyone can die. Newborns, children, teenagers, adults, grandparents.... Anyone can. And.... I'm afraid of that fact. Not for me, really, but for Rio. While I stay back, cozy and safe and panicked, he goes out there to face.... to face those things.... God, when he came back with that hurt arm, I thought my heart was going to clench into this little ball and never beat again. In retrospect, his injury wasn't very bad and the repairs to the Goddess were minor, but that foul feeling in the pit of my stomach and that stabbing pain that caught in my chest are things I'll never forget. What.... What will it feel like.... What will I do when it's not just his arm? When the Goddess comes back and I'm left staring at a gaping hole in it's chest....  
  
No!! It won't happen! It won't! I.... I know it could, it's possible, of course it's possible but.... but it won't! It just can't.... They'll all be okay. That's why they were chosen, right? That's why they were chosen to pilot the Goddesses, right? Because they can handle themselves and their machines in combat. So they'll all be okay, right?  
  
I.... I have faith in Rio, even if it does seem to waver sometimes. But despite all of my fears and silly doubts, I have faith in him. In his ability to pilot and to come out of each fight alive. And.... and he'll always be okay. He will be. Because.... because he told me once.... he told me once.... that he didn't like to see me sad. I know it's hard to imagine that guy being serious or sappy like that but.... he's not always a clown. It's just his facade. It's his serious side.... It's that serious, determined, and yet somehow so vulnerable, side that I fell in lo--that I admire so much.  
  
But anyways.... he said he didn't like to see me sad.... and that I should smile more. Because of that.... because of that I know he'll always come back. He'll always come back safe and sound. He won't die out there, afraid in that dark mechanical coffin with only the cold stars for company. I'd be.... I'd be really.... really very.... very sad.... if he were to....  
  
If he were to....  
  
It won't happen! I take care of his Goddess to make sure it won't happen. As long as I keep his Goddess in perfect condition, he'll be fine because Rio knows what he's doing out there. He's not some rookie and he's not as wild as Gareas can be in the middle of battle. Honestly, doesn't that green haired idiot know how many panic attacks he's given poor Leena? I don't know how she can stand it.... I don't know how I can stand it.... watching on a monitor.... those little specks and beeps.... I'm so afraid one day I won't see your speck there anymore, Rio....  
  
Iya! I'm doing it again! I have to be more optimistic! Like Rio is! Nothing gets him down. Even when he hurt his arm, that idiot kept grinning. Even if it is just a show, it makes me feel better to see him in such high spirits. To know that he tries to keep grinning goofily for real, to make me smile, if just a little. He really is a sweet guy.  
  
A guy who deserves to live. Who will live. I'll make sure of it. No matter what I have to do, no matter what I have to sacrifice.... I'll keep his Goddess running perfectly for as long as I'm assigned to it. I'll take care of him. And he can take care of himself, too. And the other pilots.... they all watch each other's backs.... they all help each other. So they, too.... they'll be okay too.  
  
So of course.... because of all of that.... because of all of our hoping and wishing.... because of how much we all want to live.... want to live and not.... not....  
  
Of course....  
  
Of course it could never happen. 


End file.
